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Гордость и предубеждение
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Pride and Prejudice
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But,
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unluckily for her ladyship,
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its effect had been exactly contrariwise.
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“It taught me to hope,”
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said he,
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“as I had scarcely ever allowed myself to hope before.
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I knew enough of your disposition to be certain that,
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had you been absolutely,
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irrevocably decided against me,
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you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine,
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frankly and openly.”
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Elizabeth coloured and laughed as she replied,
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“Yes,
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you know enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that.
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After abusing you so abominably to your face,
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I could have no scruple in abusing you to all your relations.”
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“What did you say of me,
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that I did not deserve?
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For,
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though your accusations were ill-founded,
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formed on mistaken premises,
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my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof.
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It was unpardonable.
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I cannot think of it without abhorrence.”
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“We will not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed to that evening,”
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said Elizabeth.
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“The conduct of neither,
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if strictly examined,
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will be irreproachable;
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but since then,
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we have both,
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I hope,
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improved in civility.”
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“I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself.
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The recollection of what I then said,
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of my conduct,
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my manners,
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my expressions during the whole of it,
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is now,
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and has been many months,
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inexpressibly painful to me.
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Your reproof,
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so well applied,
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I shall never forget:
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‘had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.’
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Those were your words.
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You know not,
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you can scarcely conceive,
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how they have tortured me;—
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though it was some time,
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I confess,
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before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice.”
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“I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong an impression.
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I had not the smallest idea of their being ever felt in such a way.”
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“I can easily believe it.
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You thought me then devoid of every proper feeling,
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I am sure you did.
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The turn of your countenance I shall never forget,
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as you said that I could not have addressed you in any possible way that would induce you to accept me.”
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“Oh!
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do not repeat what I then said.
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These recollections will not do at all.
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I assure you that I have long been most heartily ashamed of it.”
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Darcy mentioned his letter.
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“Did it,”
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said he,
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“did it soon make you think better of me?
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Did you,
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on reading it,
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give any credit to its contents?”
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She explained what its effect on her had been,
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and how gradually all her former prejudices had been removed.
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“I knew,”
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said he,
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“that what I wrote must give you pain,
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but it was necessary.
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I hope you have destroyed the letter.
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There was one part especially,
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the opening of it,
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which I should dread your having the power of reading again.
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I can remember some expressions which might justly make you hate me.”
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“The letter shall certainly be burnt,
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if you believe it essential to the preservation of my regard;
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but,
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though we have both reason to think my opinions not entirely unalterable,
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they are not,
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I hope,
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quite so easily changed as that implies.”
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“When I wrote that letter,”
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replied Darcy,
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“I believed myself perfectly calm and cool,
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but I am since convinced that it was written in a dreadful bitterness of spirit.”
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“The letter,
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perhaps,
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began in bitterness,
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but it did not end so.
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The adieu is charity itself.
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But think no more of the letter.
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The feelings of the person who wrote,
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and the person who received it,
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are now so widely different from what they were then,
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that every unpleasant circumstance attending it ought to be forgotten.
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You must learn some of my philosophy.
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Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”
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“I cannot give you credit for any philosophy of the kind.
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Your retrospections must be so totally void of reproach,
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that the contentment arising from them is not of philosophy,
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but,
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what is much better,
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of innocence.
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But with me,
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it is not so.
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Painful recollections will intrude which cannot,
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which ought not,
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to be repelled.
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I have been a selfish being all my life,
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in practice,
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though not in principle.
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As a child I was taught what was right,
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but I was not taught to correct my temper.
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I was given good principles,
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but left to follow them in pride and conceit.
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Unfortunately an only son (for many years an only child),
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I was spoilt by my parents,
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who,
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though good themselves (my father,
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particularly,
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all that was benevolent and amiable),
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allowed,
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encouraged,
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almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing;
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to care for none beyond my own family circle;
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to think meanly of all the rest of the world;
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to wish at least to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own.
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